My Gut Reaction: Too $hort - Born To Mack (Jive Records - July 20, 1987)

Let's pick up from where we were last off in the saga of Sir Too $hort.

Too $hort during the 1980s was just another faceless emcee from the West Coast who rapped the standard for a rapper during the 1980s; shit-talking, drugs, and pimping. Before 1986, Too $hort really wasn't particularly special. For the most part, he was just trying to make ends meet, living the grimy life of a street hustler on the mean streets of Oakland.

Then he started to cuss.

Remember that in the 1980s, it was very rare to hear a curse word even in a rap record. It was generally considered as taboo at the time, and not appropriate. But Too $hort didn't care. At the time, Too $hort saw his record purely as comedy; it was never intended to be taken seriously in any aspect, and was just good for some laughs. It was the 1980s equivalent of a YouTube Poop (god, I feel old), in that it was incoherent nonsense full of pop culture references that don't mesh.

But you see, Too $hort's records made strong waves. Throughout the Bay Area. LA. Texas. The Dirty South. It was being bootlegged because it was such an oddity. A rap record where someone cussed! Not even violent video games had cuss words. Truly, Too $hort hit the jackpot. Too $hort signed a deal with Jive, who loved cashing in on trends. Of course, this relationship would go sour, but this isn't the time to discuss that. Let's go on with our feature presentation.

Despite being brought up on Too $hort, I never listened to this; Get In Where You Fit In was standard issue (an album I've heard played to death long enough). It's production is very dusty for the younger millennial generation; most people are probably only familiar with the now (in)famous Freaky Tales, which, of course, inspired a number of other cuss words in other West Coast albums. And so, we commence.

1. PARTYTIME - Surprisingly enough, Too $hort hits us with a very radio friendly party single. The beat can be described as plodding; it's your typical 1980s beat with heavy drums and archaic Roland machine spins, so it's on par for the course. Short Dog's lyrics on the other hand, are clean as a whistle, mostly consisting of shit-talking and being a pick up artist. I assume $hort was looking for widespread airplay with this. Overall, not bad. I could see this being remixed into a modern trap hit and no one would notice.

2. MACK ATTACK - Holy shit. I have to admit. Despite being mostly 80s generic hip hop, the beat on here just slams. The bass really does bump, and it's incredibly catchy, showing that simplicity can still work effectively. $hort's lyrics aren't anything too special; he's mostly just doing slick talking to women with a little shit talking here and there. Surprisingly, Too $hort keeps it PG-13, but then again, this was 1987, so an entire album of cussing might not have sold well. If I wanted that, I'd have gone to a sporting event.

3. PLAYBOY $HORT II - The hotly anticipated sequel to the previous song on his third album, thankfully not made by Michael Bay. I have to say, so far, the bass just fucking knocks. It's smooth roll and strong hum makes an otherwise bland 80s beat that much more enjoyable. $hort's lyrics are everywhere; he mixes motivational messages, braggadocios, and sexual experiences all in the span of 7 minutes, yet only cusses twice, which is impressive for a notorious potty mouth. Not a bad song to be honest.

4. YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN -Again, not bad. The instrumental's bass slams, but it slams in a more aggressive way, not to mention the use of the horn helps exemplify the loudness of the song. To think that this song would be remade into one of the biggest rap hits of the 90s (Gettin It) by Too $hort - the concept and even some of the lyrics are the same.

5. FREAKY TALES - Everyone knows this song. It's ironic that the dirtiest song on the entire LP is the one that got the most airplay, and even got this album to move units in the first place. The song's bass and drums would pretty much be sampled in 90s West Coast g funk songs to death. Yes, ground zero for G funk on this song.

6. DOPE FIEND BEAT - Holy shit. This song is even more dirtier than the previous song. I have to admit, the beat on here sounds funky as hell, despite the horrible lyrics. Seriously, the beat here is balls. Too $hort himself sounds like an angry farmer circa the 1880s yelling at the sky why it hasn't rained in a while.

7. LITTLE GIRLS - Too $hort dedicates this song to his favorite new wave band Oingo Boingo. No seriously, this song is pretty much a rip off of Oingo Boingo's infamous Little Girls. I imagine Pedobear himself bumps this in his lowrider, stuck in some parallel universe where the year is always 1988.

8. THE UNIVERSAL MIX - Just an instrumental. And with that, we're done with Born to Mack.

THE FINAL WORD - Surprisingly, this album didn't suck. I was expecting much worse to be honest; I was expecting generic misogynistic raps over generic 80s beats, though most of that is saved for the latter half of the album. I'll admit that overall, the sound of the album is pretty homogeneous and doesn't sound particularly good today, but the heavy use of funk bass would be detrimental to the sound of the West Coast, thus creating a drift between the two coasts. Too $hort's blunt sexist ranting opened the door for more cussing in hip hop, both allowing for more freedom of expression in the art form, yet also later bringing the industry down as a whole. What I'm saying is, this is a pretty important album.

BUY OR BURN? - I'm going with buy here. Yes, of course, the album hasn't aged very well, but it's far from horrible. It's pretty good. Born to Mack still holds a certain charm too it. Good crafting, Too $hort.

BEST TRACKS - Freaky Tales, Mack Attack, Dope Fiend Beat, Playboy $hort II

Too Short - Don't Stop Rappin', Players, & Raw, Uncut and X-Rated (1983-1986, 75 Girls)

Oh boy, where do we start here?

Todd Anthony Shaw, or Too Short (he couldn't call himself Too Tall, since he lost a game of craps with the Berenstains), is a West Coast emcee based out of Oakland, California, and is considered one of the legendary pioneers of the West Coast hip hop scene in general. The dude's story pretty much starts off as just making a few records out of complete boredom, which he eventually decided to sell, because you never know what will happen. Soon enough, one of the guy's songs would blow up, and it did. The man struck gold by signing a record deal with Jive (a label that played a role in killing off good hip hop, but that's another story for another day), and consequently getting a hit with Freaky Tales. Before you knew it, the dude blew up, releasing hit songs such as The Ghetto, Gettin It', and I'm a Player, before briefly retiring and then selling his soul for more airplay.

But, we're getting ahead of ourselves. We have to start somewhere, and we'll start in the 1980s, the crack epidemic, the Cold War, and rather corny movies. Short Dog was not to be faded, however, as he released 3 EPs during this time, which we will tackle all today.

Yes, three reviews in one!

DON'T STOP RAPPIN' (1983)

1. DON'T STOP RAPPIN' - And so our dive in Too $hort's career begins with a song that just infects you with a funky-as-hell bassline. Seriously, I found this catchy as hell. Short's lyricism consists of "I'm a better rapper than you", "I'm the greatest rapper of all time". and "I get so many girls". I have to admit, not hearing Shaw cuss is goofy. Seriously, this is far more funny than you'd expect. Other than that, it's pretty much what you'd expect from the 80s underground.

2. SHORTRAPP - Kind of ironic to title this song as so when it clocks in at 7:10, eh? Regardless of the rather misleading title, it's pretty much another shit-talking song. Lyrically the song is pretty much uniform with the previous song, though it's kind of funny to hear Shaw demand inferior rappers bite off him. I honestly could see this song getting remixed into a modern day pulsating European EDM hit, That's as much as I can say.

3. GIRL - Surprisingly enough, this song is not about pimping, women, and pimping women. In fact, this song is about the cocaine epidemic which was a very serious reality that was happening in urban America. Short's lyrics are actually pretty detailed, observing the epidemic quite well. Despite the good intentions and decent lyricism, this has been done before, done better, and even Too $hort himself has re-done this concept with better results.

4. FEMALE FUNK - Now we're into Playboy Short territory. With another funky beat, Too $hort describes all the sexual experiences he's had with all sorts of women, using the term "funk" as some sort of politically correct term for having sex. That's pretty much the whole song.

5. PLAYBOY SHORT - Playboy Short goes on another ego trip track. No seriously, the dude brags about things that he hadn't accomplished yet, such as limousines, packed concerts, fine women, and pet ligers. The beat here is actually quite slow and smooth; actually, if you listen carefully, this instrumental is essentially the prototype to E-40's "Player's Ball", a song that featured Too $hort himself.

And with that, we're done with with Don't Stop Rappin'. But wait, there's more!

 

By 1985, I assume Short had made a name for himself enough that the 75 Girls record label thought it was time for the world to get more of Too $hort. Of course, as we know 80s albums, we're likely to be in store for some more shit-talking, player music from Shaw, just in 1985. This time around we have Players, whether pimps or simply athletes.

1. PLAYERS - Interesting enough. The song actually starts with that famous talkbox that was pretty much epidemic in 1980s funk music, perhaps an attempt at airplay. Lyrically, it's more of the same shit-talking that we had earlier on Don't Stop Rappin'. Even the player talk here is pretty tame, and just mixed with the shit-talking. Listened to Don't Stop Rappin? While you've listened to Players too.

2. FROM HERE TO NEW YORK - We start off with another creepy-ass deep vocal, but just some deep pitch rather than the talkbox. Again, just more emcee shit talking we were exposed to earlier, although to be honest the beat is pretty funky again, so this wasn't a complete waste of time.

3. DON'T EVEN STOP - A song where Short Dog mentions dwarfism, a Beranstein Bears character, and serious relationships are all discussed. That's all I could say.

4. WILD WILD WEST - This track was interesting enough, where Short Dog compares his hometown of Oakland to the Wild West itself (never mind the fact that the real Wild West was much more safer than 80s urban America). Actually, the track is a story about emcee battles in the Wild West (I suppose). Hell, Too $hort might've even dressed up as a cowboy to get into role for this one.

5. EVERYTIME - I'll admit, the beat for this one is a little more different; the beat moves in a creepy, smooth, almost perverted way, which fits the theme of the music. Short sounds more like his 1990s-self, and raps about his signature theme - pimping. Admittedly, it still sounds weird that he doesn't cuss, so he mostly comes off as a faceless LL Cool J imitator writing his lyrics in the middle of English class. Still, this didn't completely suck.

6. DANCE (DON'T GEEK) - Pretty much just an instrumental. Not the worst music in the world, perhaps useful as elevator ambiance.

7. COKE DEALERS - In similar vain to Everytime, we get a beat that gives a creepy feel. Our hero Too $hort raps again about the crack epidemic, so for the most part this is pretty much a remake of Girl, though this feels this was made for some corny early 90s cartoon trying to project what they think is 1990s urban culture. And so ends our presentation of Players. But wait...

Oh my, we're going to get nasty here.

1. INVASION OF THE FLAT BOOTY BITCHES - For the first time, Too $hort actually cusses on a record. Too $hort mostly sounds like a 6th grader in high puberty in some strange, and I mean strange wet dream. Oh well, we have to start somewhere...

2. SHE'S A BITCH - Too $hort raps about a woman who, via government experiments, turns into a dog, and tells of the serious story of animal rights and equality. Of course not. Too $hort pretty much goes on another puberty-high sexist mumble rap. Seriously, I don't know what the hell he was going on about.

3. OAKLAND, CALIFORNIA - Short mixes rhymes about crack and pimping women at the same time. An accomplishment indeed!

4. THAT BITCH SUCKS DICK - From the Arthur episode of the same name.

5. SHORT SIDE/BLOWJOB BETTY - A song about oral sex. I think I've said enough here. And with that, we're done with Too $hort's first three EPs.

FINAL WORD: Let's be honest, none of these songs here have aged particularly well. If this was the 1980s, perhaps this stuff was changing lives, and shit. But in 2016, this is mostly just banal emcee shit talking, some serious social commentary, and inevitably, sexist pimp talking. However, every person has their humble beginnings, and Too $hort was no exception. But honestly, there really wasn't a whole lot to say here. Most of these songs had been done before (pretty much literally the last track), and were the same content.

BUY OR BURN - Neither, not as an insult. These tracks are incredibly difficult to find in physical copy, and web available versions suffer from lower quality. But if you're looking to complete some kind of Too $hort compilation of all years, the below tracks are worth it.

BEST TRACKS: "Don't Stop Rappin'", "Players", "From Here to New York"